It’s time for the Bachelorette Party

Party girls

In the UK it’s called a hen party.

Canadians sometimes refer to it as a stagette.

But you and I know it as the bachelorette party.

And you are totes excited.

The rule of thumb for the bachelorette party isn’t unlike the first rule of Fight Club.  Except that someone will be sitting on a curb crying at the end of the night.

Mark my tweet.

But that’s fine because you pinky swore with your maids that you would disavow all of the evening’s antics the next morning.

Don’t forget to do the morning after Instagram check.

But now, it’s time for your maids to pick you up.

Your maid of honor is the first to arrive…obvy.  She’s your bestie. Your sidekick. Your partner in crime.  She’s the chick who nursed all your broken hearts in your 20’s and will be there to notice the stray chin hairs in your 40’s.

A few more of your friends trickle in.  They represent various times of your life.  They are all different but equally important to you as they share in your big day. Tonight you will reminisce about your past and toast your future…yes, while wearing phallic jewelry.

The groom’s sister shows up next.  She doesn’t want to be there and it shows. She’s a spy, but a harmless one.  Mostly because she won’t be able to report back to the groom in time to do any real damage. There may be attitude tonight, but it will blow over.  Besides, you’ll square off in a bigger way in five years over coordinating holiday plans.  This is not the hill you want to die for.  Not tonight. She has no real power here.

Now, y’all find yourselves waiting on that friend.  You know the one.  The late one.  The one who needs an extra cab for all her drama.  The first one to get drunk, the first one to make out with the guy you all thought was cute and the she will either be the one crying or the cause of the crying by the end of the night.

Finally, she arrives, and in the same dress she talked you out of buying last week.

You can do nothing more but exchange glances with your maid of honor.  Unspoken girlfriend language is the best.  There will be a debriefing later, but for now…

Flat iron.  Lip gloss.  Big heels.  Tiny purses.

It’s GO time.

You straigten your hot pink bachelorette sash, don your ring pop and your veiled tiara. That’s so everyone knows why you are out on the town, but it’s completely unnecessary.

Everyone will know who you are the moment they watch a car full of hysterical girls run up on the curb trying to park.

It will be confirmed with the giggling, the selfies and if not, then the Pomegranate martinis should really clinch it.

Yes, you are making a scene and they are talking about you.

Who cares?  They are also checking you out…which is kind of the point.

Yes ladies, you totes got it.

Have fun.

Just don’t forget the first rule of the bachelorette party.

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